Everyone carries something with them from their childhood. In Morocco, it’s their values.
Moroccan values are based on family; everyone cares for each other. The children are born to look after the seniors and the seniors are made out to be very wise. The family thinks of themselves as a unit not as an individual.
Young and old share everything in the Moroccan family. Most children share bedrooms, where as in Western families it is more likely for siblings to have separate bedrooms and spaces. In extreme cases, children can also share clothing.
Morocco Explored said, “Stories, water, food, money, everything. Within the immediate family there are no boundaries of sharing. Everyone works and everyone contributes.”
Rabat is Morocco’s capital city. Much of the city has a very urban feel, with clean streets, and a modern tram line running through it, making navigating Rabat no trouble at all. The avenues are full of bustling fruit venders, and a wide variety of cafes lined up on the sidewalks with chairs and tables. Perched above Rabat to the North of the city is The Kasbah des Oudayas. Built in the 12th century, this fort was made for the leaders of Rabat so that they could hide if they were under attack. The ancient fort is full of winding blue and white walls with hidden nooks and crannies guarded by an army of kittens.
Nadia Phelps, a high school counselor based in Qatar, spent most of her childhood in Rabat, specifically the uptown Agdal neighborhood. She was the first female in her family to go to school. Her father’s family is Berber, an ethnic native to North Africa, and came down from the Anti- Atlas mountain region close to Ait Baha, in the early part of the 20th century.
Despite his generation’s view of formal education, Nadia’s father, Mr. Boufous, wanted his daughters to go to school, and because of this all of the daughters born into the family after Nadia have also been highschool, and some university. Some of Nadia’s female cousins have become lawyers, architects, and doctors. In contrast, her grandmother was illiterate.
Moroccan world news (MWN) covers that, “Illiteracy rate in Morocco is more common in adults over 50 years old at 61.1 percent, but drops to 3.7 percent for children who are less than 15 years old.”
“When I got to school age,” Nadia said,“He enrolled me in a French school.”
“For the family, that was the first time that a girl had gone to school.”
How do Moroccan family values differ from Western ones?
The setup of the Moroccan living room is a great way to understand the difference between Moroccan and Western family values.The first thing that draws attention in a Moroccan home is what Ikea would have called a surround the room sectional that has 40 feet of couch. In the middle is a round table for tea coffee and food.The reason they have the couches is for the family, big families need big couches. Moroccan couches have many uses: they can be used as beds if family members need to spend the night, they can be used for family gab sessions, for Sohoor, and Iftar meals during the holy month of Ramadan. However, TVs don’t belong in this room because it is meant for socializing. The Moroccan family values are based on contributing to the family by spending time together.
“The concept of the individual doesn't really exist in terms of traditional family in Morocco,” Nadia said, “you always represent the family.”
In most cases with more Western families parents push children to achieve great things for themselves, go to college, marry the person you love, get good grades .... In contrast, Nadia’s uncle had to leave middle school to help his grandparents. The family decided what his role would be even though he wanted to go to school. He had started to learn a vocation in upholstery, but because his family needed him at home, he did not get the opportunity to finish.
An article called the Moroccan Family said, “The elderly are usually very respected and seen as wise, unlike many western beliefs. A recent survey shows that 97% of Moroccans believe that it is the children’s duty to take care of a parent when they grow old (Tbatou).”
Later in life he wanted to marry a girl, but the family said no because she was rich and they didn’t think she would want to stay and take care of the grandparents. They made him marry the girl next door that he had grown up being friends with. She was like a sister, but for the sake of the family, he married her.
“The whole family decided what his role was. That's what they needed him to do. So now his brothers take care of him and his kids they pay for him and all of that but, he doesn't get to do what he wants as an individual.”
Moroccan Family Roles
Moroccan family roles vary, depending on how traditional your family is. The older generation is very traditional, the men would be the breadwinner, and the women would be in control of everything inside the home. Nadia’s aunt and uncle were very classic.
When the father would get home, he would go upstairs to his bedroom and watch TV. He would also eat up there. He had very little interaction with the children, although when the boys were older they would sometimes watch football with him.
“I don't know if he's typical. He might be an extreme as well. But I remember him just coming in and going straight upstairs to his room.”
In contrast the mother did everything with the children. She would cook, discipline, do laundry etc. She was the boss and had full control inside of the home.
Nadia’s cousin Abdul on the other hand, is very different from his father. He plays cards, helps with homework, and watches football with his children. The whole family goes out on Sundays, laughs and have conversations together.
Moroccan family values vary, they are like western ones in that way. Children grow up with their values and pass them on to future generations. Morocco is a growing and changing country, even though it is becoming more modern, they still have a good grasp on their roots and are keeping their traditions and beliefs with them.
'To travel is to discover that everyone is wrong about other countries.' Aldous Huxley
Nadia’s interview Transcript
How are Moroccan family values different from western ones?
In islamic family in general not just Moroccan is that families come first, so I would say the idea of the individual is very different. So at least my experience if I'm comparing especially in America and have lived in America and then seeing Morocco, the concept of the individual doesn't really exist in terms of traditional family in Morocco. You always represent the family and we see it here in doha a little bit. It plays out in many levels, it can be what you choose to do when you're older. is often related to what your parents want you to do as supposed to what you would choose and in America you kind of choose what you want. And people really respect each member of the family as an individual person. In Moroccan families, the family is what comes first so the individual isn't that important it’s what's best for the whole family unit. And so who you choose to marry, what you do for a job, where you choose to live, all of that has to be what's good for the entire family. Rather than the individual person.
In my dad's family the youngest never went to school never had a career because his job was to stay with the Grandparents. He went to school just for a little bit when he was a little kid. But when her was a teenager the grandparents decided they were moving back to the village and so he had to move back even though he wanted to learn a vocation. He had started learning a vocation to be an upholsterer he had to give that up. When he was older and wanted to marry somebody, the family said no, that the girl would not be a good fit because she was kind of spoiled and rich and so she wouldn't want take care of the grandparents so he had to marry the girl next door. Who already helped the grandparents even though he didn't want to. she was like his sister they grew up together and they forced him, so that's an example of how it plays out that none of his choices of where to live who to marry what to do with his life mattered because the whole family decided what his role was. That's what they needed him to do. So now his brothers take care of him and his kids they pay for him and all of that but, he doesn't get to do what he wants as an individual. Thats a huge difference. Thats a huge difference, that’s just huge. You sacrifice yourself for your family whereas in america that is extremely rare. They might sacrifice themselves to help you make your dreams come true. People don't have their own bedrooms or their own things.
You went to college in the US when did you move to the United States? How was your experience as a youth different from today’s generation?
So when I look at Hamza and Mouna I know morocco has change I know for them they have a lot fewer rules than I did. I mean Mouna is able to go out more than I did. My sister she can wear makeup I mean. When I look at my cousin and her kids, there were just a lot more freedoms than I had. I for example as a teenager I wasn't aloud to do a lot outside of the home without family members. Socializing with friends was difficult once I hit adolescents. So, prior to that I could, but when I became a teenager, my parents were very, very strict. So, for example, I remember once some friends from school coming to our house on the weekend and asking if I go to a movie. This was during the daytime and my dad said ‘No’ and I got really upset. My mom tried to intervene and he was just like, ‘No. If she wants to go to the movies, she has to go with cousins or uncles or whatever. But not with boys and girls from her school.’ I think now, there is a lot more freedom that way and a lot more understanding. But I did get to go to some things that other Moroccan kids couldn't go to, but I always had to be chaperoned. I was pretty different. I don't know how it is now, but what I see at least with teenagers hanging out at the coffee shops and going places, it seems like things have relaxed a lot.
Is it the same for boys or mostly girls for going out?
I think the boys always had more freedom. my older brother could go out with his friends. It was more the girls.
So do you think boys and girls nowadays can go out if they’re not related?
When I was an older teen it was like sleepovers, my dad was like, ‘Nope. You can’t sleep at anyone's house. You can have your girlfriends come to our house but you have to sleep in your own home.’ For me it was hard because I went to an American school. It was tough because the other kids, most of my friends, were not Moroccan. They didn't have those rules and so it made it hard. My best friends, one was from Haiti but she had grown up in New York and the other one was from Canada. Those were my two closest friends and then, even when I was a bit younger, my best friends were from America usually. So that made it tough because they had completely different rules. My friend from Canada basically had zero rules so it was tough.
Could you talk a little bit about how your family and the roles in your family and how they have changed? What role do mothers and fathers take on?
I can talk especially from what I've seen, like at my Aunt's house because our house was always different because my mom was British. My aunt’s house my dad's sister, there they lived a very traditional life. And so the dad sort of worked outside of the home and the mom was at home raising kids, and he had very, very little interaction. I don't know if he's typical. He might be an extreme as well. But I remember him just coming in and going straight upstairs to his room. And he would eat up there and hang out, watch tv or whatever. He had almost no interaction with the family except for like the older boys. When the boys got older they would go and eat with him but the mom basically took care of raising the kids and everything in the house. He took care of everything outside of the house. I think that's pretty traditional that the dad or the husband is his domain is outside of the home, and he takes care of any business outside of the home. And the woman is completely in charge of what happens inside the home. So I think that's changed now. You have a lot of families where both parents are working. Almost no involvement with the daughters, and very little with his wife. I mean, he lived very separately and then when I think of his son, his son and his family live very, very differently. My cousin Abdul is very involved with the kids. He helps with homework, he plays cards with them, he has conversations. I mean they watch the soccer games together, everybody in the living room, you know, the mom, the kids, everybody’s together laughing, and talking. So very, very different than how he grew up. They go out on Sundays all as a family, go places, so much more like what we might be used to in the West. So that's just one generation.
Could you tell me your story about being the first girl in your family to go to school?
My dad was born in a village up in the mountains where there was very little access to education. The boys tended to go to Quranic school and the girls didn't go to school at all. My dad was the first generation of males to actually be sent to school beyond Quranic school. So when my dad went to school in the city, and he joined the military, and went to some officer training in France, he saw a different way of life. So when he got married and had me, I was the first child. His idea was that girls would be educated as well, and that Morocco was newly independent, and that the new Moroccan woman would be an educated woman. So that was part of his time’s vision, and that the young people were the vision of Morocco. So, when I got to school age, he enrolled me in a French school, the one that you saw in Agdal, and for the family, that was the first time that a girl had been, you know went to school. His brothers and sisters had kids, so it was the girls that were born the year after I was born that started going to school. But in the extended family, girls that were born before me, none of them have gone to school. So we were the first, and now it has continued. I mean, now girls are all going to school and there are girls who have done a lot of Higher education. My cousin didn't go to school, but I think she learned to read and write, but that was it. She didn't get to continue in school. And she, I don't know how she learned to read and write, if it was just at home. I don’t think she had formal schooling, but her daughters have. And actually, she has one daughter that has become a heart surgeon and works in France and the other one works in Morocco as a lawyer. So her two daughters, she didn't have any sons, but her two daughters are highly educated. So again, of the change in Morocco. It was just very, very rapid. In one generation things changed dramatically. And it really happen with Independence. Things just changed really fast. It's kind of like the Civil Rights Movements in the States. It kind of just energizes people to think of a different way of going forward.
There a lot of new laws and public awareness and campaigns that have come out in Morocco that would not have been around when I was growing up so you know the issue of children labor for kids, kids working, the issue of domestic violence there's been a lot of campaigns targeted at that especially abused for women, that would not have been talked about when I was growing up. But I know that there are public campaigns about that I’ve seen posters I've seen stuff up on tv like I said people just didn’t talk about that when I was a kid. So there's more awareness.
My particular family was a bit different because my mom was british but talking to people who have two parents that are Moroccan would get would get a lot. Plus I didn't spend all of my life in Morocco I went to the American schools. So I’m not typical but, you know.
'If you reject the food, ignore the customs, fear the religion and avoid the people, you might better stay home.' James Michener
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